In the Village of Hidden Leaves and Things
by DarlingandDarlinger
Summary: In the Village of Hidden Leaves and Things, everyone has a secret or five. And they keep getting found out by Naruto and friends. Will their town ever get less weird?


**Village Of Hidden Leaves and Things**

**Summary****:**In the Village of Hidden Leaves and Things, everyone has a secret or five. And they keep getting found out by Naruto and friends. Will the shit in their town ever get less weird?

**Chapter One: **

**In Which The Nature of Itachi's Deviation Is the Subject of Much Debate**

"I think something's wrong with my brother," Sasuke told Naruto during their weekend movie night. Naruto shrugged and took some more popcorn. Sasuke waited for a reaction. Ten minutes of silence, it became clear he wasn't going to get one. Sasuke tried again.

"Ok, I don't know quite what it is… he's been checking out all these weird books with dark covers.. and painting his nails black… and last night, I was getting a midnight snack and I caught him sneaking knives from the kitchen drawer. Now those aren't really that weird alone, but-" Sasuke stopped at Naruto raising his eyebrows pointedly and looking away, muttering something under his breath.

Naruto caught his stare and threw his hands up. "What?" he shouted defensively.

"What was that face?" Sasuke frowned.

"Nothing! Sasuke, you're missing the movie, come on-" Naruto broke off into a forced laugh as a giant doughnut rolled down the hill on the screen.

Sasuke decided to brush off Naruto's response on general idiocy.

"Naruto, calm down boy. Focus. Calm." Naruto glared. Sasuke smirked and pressed on, "The weird part is, he's acting really… distant. He hardly ever talks to my parents anymore. And he keeps getting together with this weird group of friends. At first I just thought they were all goth teenagers, but… something's fishy."

"Look how big that doughnut is! Ohmygod. This is some great shit!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and grabbed the remote, turning off the TV. "Naruto."

Naruto sighed and jerked around to face Sasuke. "Ok. Fine. Let's talk about your brother."

"I think he's getting indoctrinated into some kind of cult."

Naruto looked awkward. "He just has weird friends, Sasuke."

"No, you don't understand. He needs to stop spending time with them. They're taking over his life. I found him and Kisame doing some weird mystic dancing on the fouton last night." Naruto processed this and eased off the futon.

"Don't worry, the black magic won't leak onto you, I'm pretty sure," Sasuke assured Naruto jokingly.

"That's not what I'm worried about," Naruto mumbled under his breath. Sasuke furrowed his brow. What the hell did that mean? "Look- Sasuke. Do you think maybe your attitude isn't really about Itachi's friends?"

"No, I'm pretty sure that's what it's about."

"Look, I really didn't want to get into this, but we can't really avoid it anymore. You may be uncomfortable, but eventually you have to face the facts, Itachi is…" Naruto fumbled with his words for a second, motioning in the air as though searching for the correct phrase. He settled on, "Gay as gay as gay. As fuck."

"…. What?" Sasuke could only stare.

"Gay. Like a sunny day. Like Adam Lambert, actually. The nail polish? He-llooo? The books with dark covers to cover up the _illicit_ gay material? The way he talks? He's and Kisame have been 'more than friends' for what, months? Sasuke, the only one who hasn't come to terms with it is you!"

"Naruto. My brother is not gay. He is a vampire," Sasuke said slowly, as though speaking to a slow child, "And Kisame is one of the minions of the undead. Look at how blue his skin is."

"That's make-up, Sasuke. Gay-cup."

"What? No, look, come with me tonight to their meeting in the park. They are having some weird conversion ritual at three. _The devil's hour_," Sasuke whispered.

Naruto threw his hands up. "Because that's so much more likely! Come on, dude, listen to yourself!"

"This is SERIOUS, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled.

"Why are you such a homophobe?" Naruto hissed, eyes narrowed.

Sasuke gasped, thrown, "How did this conversation even get here? Can we leave homosexuals out of this, please?"

"SEE! You want them left out of the equation! Soon you won't want them drinking from the same fountain as you, just for something they CAN'T HELP, you prejudiced, ignorant bigot! There is no ULTIMATE SOLUTION HERE, ASSHOLE!"

Silence followed that outburst.

"…Naruto, is there something you want to tell me?" Sasuke leaned forward.

"Fuck you!" Naruto stomped out to the entry, "And I'm taking the popcorn with me!"

"Hey, leave the popcorn here!" Sasuke cried, twisting around on the couch.

"No! I'm taking these kernels away from all this bigotry. I'll bring it back next week. I hope to see a shift it your attitude by then!" Naruto declared as he hurriedly slipped on his sandals.

"MY BROTHER WILL BE A ZOMBIE BY THEN! BUT THANKS ANYWAYS!"

SLAM.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "What a homo."

"I KNEW IT!" Naruto cried outside the door.

"GO HOME!"

Sasuke sighed, picking some stray popcorn kernels off the couch The question remained: what was he going to do about his brother?

To be Continued…


End file.
